DATE: Friday, March 19th, 2010

WEIGHT: 217.5lbs (-8.5lbs from start)

Okay I’m back – and still on my crappy plateau. Uff.

I think Sadik nailed it on the head when he said that because I had switched over to vegan eating (with a few minor slips into ‘vegetarian’ territory), I had somehow told myself it was okay to eat more than usual.. (as in the typical ‘diet food’ disaster most people fall into) Anyhow, I had been going to the gym, eating healthy/clean/vegan, but here were my problems:

1. I thought (subconciously I’d imagine) that because I was eating healthy, I could eat MORE, period.

2. My problem/binge foods were never really meat/cheese/sweets/snacks (NOT why I went veg, by the way!), but rather carbs, in general (rice and bread, even though now brown rice and 100% whole wheat bread), and fats – namely oils used in cooking.

3. I got lazy and stopped tracking my food intake, either by Weight Watchers or caloric intake.. This compounded the above issues.

So basically, I need to get back on the ‘tracking wagon’, try to lower my intake of fats and carbs, and other than that, just keep on doing what I’ve been doing.  I certainly FEEL MUCH HEALTHIER, but the scale just isn’t budging much.

Last night I took my measurements.. A bit of progress, but, as mentioned before – sadly derailed by my tendencies to BINGE.

Anyhow, here’s my ‘damage’ for the day so far:

BREAKFAST: Skipped (bad, I know, but I can use the excuse that I slept in, or that my lunch is ‘technically’ breakfast due to my obscenely ‘off’ schedule)

LUNCH: 2 slices of 100% whole wheat/double fiber bread, a swipe of Vegannaise mayo, a healthy shot of spicy dijon mustard, 2 slices of SmartLife ‘turky’ faux-turkey lunch meat, 1 medium sized banana and 20 oz. of water with a squirt of lemon. (DAMAGE: 470 cal./12.75 fat/10 fib./17.5 pro./69.5 carb.)

THOUGHTS: Delicious and filling – though the mayo is probably something I’ll mostly leave out from now on. It was 90 calories and 3/4 of the meal’s total fat

SNACK I: 4 miniature pieces of extra-dark chocolate with almonds. (DAMAGE: 200 cal./13 fat/2 fib./4 pro./20 carb.)

THOUGHTS: Not really worth it for the ‘damage’ but sometimes a girl needs her chocolate!

DINNER: 2 packets of (unfortunately non-organic, ugh!) generic cinnamon-flavor instant crap oatmeal. (DAMAGE: 320 cal./4 fat/6 fib./8 pro./66 carb.)

THOUGHTS: Yuck! Horrible, horrible, horrible. I’m feeling full but not satisfied in any other way. Absolute crap. I need my organic instant oatmeal. Now I’m craving salty junk like chips after eating that – which I wasn’t craving before. NEVER AGAIN unless I’m DESPERATE. Ick!!

SNACK II: None – I really didn’t feel the need.

Total Daily Damage: 990 cal./29.75 fat/18 fib./29.5 pro./155.5 carb.

Fitness Credits: 0 cal.

Total Over-all Caloric Damage: 990 cal.**

**Note: No, I wasn’t aiming for a number this low.. I had planned on my after-dinner snack, but I ended up not wanting to eat. Tomorrow will probably be more – you’ll see! Then on Sunday I may have an all-you-can-eat-for-$5 vegan breakfast and then a BBQ in the afternoon. Worrisome!

DATE: Friday, January 29th, 2010

WEIGHT: 217.5lbs (-8.5lbs from start)

I haven’t really been posting much lately.. Things have been a little bit like riding a roller coaster.

I seem to have detoxed off of sugar and refined ‘white’ carbs.. Caffeine, nearly – but I still want my coffee once in a while, so I’m not trying to detox off of that!

One thing that I’ve noticed is that if I don’t consume sugar or refined ‘white’ carbs, I kind of lose my appetite. Seriously. I have almost no desire to eat!

Please don’t think I’m starving myself, because I’m NOT. I will admit, however, not not always making my points quota for WW, which is obviously, not a good thing.

To the average non-dieter, eating less than required sounds like a good idea. It should only make you lose weight faster. BEEP! WRONG! Because I haven’t been eating enough, as you can see, my weight loss has somewhat stalled. Ugh. The first few days of eating less, I lost, yes (no, I was NOT trying to do that on purpose!), but soon after – even though I was eating less than my points allotment, I started to GAIN.

My weight went up THREE POUNDS for no reason other than my body must have thought it needed to store ‘rations’ for the lean days ahead. (Lean days for a fat person? As if!) As soon as I had a pig-out session and greedily gobbled down all my points (and then some!), the day after – I finally showed a loss again. Who’da thunk, right?

Anyway, other than the tragic issue of my cousin and her beautiful baby, and my smaller-than-microscopic-in-comparison weight-loss blip, things have been going fairly well.

– I took a Zumba class with my friend this past Tuesday – it was my first ever group-fitness class. I looked like a complete and utter ass, but I had fun!

– I’ve managed to stay 100% dietary vegan since the pledge and I’ve not bought any non-vegan household products (that I know of)

– I’ve experienced increased energy and actually WANT to go to the gym, where even the THOUGHT of it was tedious and tiring to me before

– I’ve tried lots of great new recipes and foods. Take for instance, last night when I made a white bean and collard greens soup garnished with lemon, served that with a salad, a big cup of ice water and vegan mac n’ cheez (made with nutri-yeast) with vegan sausage mini-meatballs and sliced tomato. It was yummy! Even carnivorous DH gobbled it all up.

I guess that’s really all I have to say on those matters for right now..

The other day, on the 26th, I heard some terrible, terrible news..

My cousin had gone to the doctor for her pre-natal checkup, and when they were listening for the fetal heartbeat, there was no sound.

My cousin had been due to give birth in early March. This was going to be her second child, and their first little boy. They had just sent out baby shower invitations..

That night, she had to go to the hospital and give birth to her baby. He was born sleeping, as they say, on the 27th of January, 2010. They named him Kaden Matthew.

She posted a picture of the little guy last night.. He looked just like my nephew, Colin. This isn’t surprising because her and my sister are both cousins, and the fathers of both of the children are brothers. His face was a little bit bluish, and his lips were dark, but his nose and some parts of his face were still that beautiful baby pink. Under his little cap I could see some wisps of blond hair. 😦

Over the past few days, I can’t stop thinking about the poor baby and my poor cousin, her fiance and their little girl, Kayleigh. I can’t even IMAGINE what they must be going through. 😦 I found it difficult to sleep last night, and when I finally nodded off, I had a dream that he wasn’t really gone.. It was just a mistake and that he was okay and happy and healthy. Of course, that dream couldn’t last.

Today, I wrote my cousin about a service I had seen.. They do free retouching on ‘angel baby’ photos. I wouldn’t usually have been so presumptuous to ask such a thing, but since she had posted a picture of him on her Facebook, I had a feeling that the photos were something that she cherished and wanted to share. I asked her if she was interested and that if she wanted to – I’d be honored to get them done for her. She wrote back that she’d appreciate it so much if I could do that for her. She said she’d send some pictures so I could take care of it.

You know, it’s a fine line to walk.. You don’t want to make things harder for people by reminding them, but you don’t want to act like it didn’t happen. I’ve read that a lot of mothers going through loss want their child to be acknowledged.. Because that’s what the baby was, their child. By sharing her photo of little Kaden, I think my cousin was asking for acknowledgment of her son. I don’t think she wants people to pretend like it didn’t happen.

I found this link, which also reinforced my thoughts:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/pregnancy/helping-a-friend-who-has-suffered-a-loss-20080929-4q6r.html

I’m going to close off on this post with a picture. Now, if you know me, you know that I wouldn’t call myself a Christian, but my family is – and I’ve always found these images of a kind, loving Jesus to be very comforting. It helps me to think of little Kaden up in Heaven sitting on the lap of Jesus. I know if any of my Muslim friends read this, they’d probably want to flog me, or accuse me of going over to the ‘other side’, but it is what it is. In this situation, it just feels right..

Rest in peace little guy.. I hope I’ll get to meet you some day!

“When God sends forth a little soul
To learn the ways of earth
A mothers love is waiting there
We call this miracle birth
When God call back a tiny soul
And stills a fleeting breath
A fathers love is waiting there
This too is birth, not death.”

~ Author Unknown

DATE: Monday, January 18th, 2010

WEIGHT: 218.5lbs (-7.5lbs from start)

Today was DH’s one day off, so he was home most of the day.. It was still uneventful. On the plus side, our television finally got delivered.. On the negative side, we still haven’t gotten the cord yet. 😛

Probably the most exciting things that have happened recently were that I’ve watched about three documentaries on Netflix (all of them are available to watch immediately online):

1. The Business of Being Born

http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

2. Food, Inc.

http://www.foodincmovie.com/

3. Killer at Large

http://killeratlarge.com/main.html

After watching these, I’m wanting to have a midwife-assisted home birth, all the more convinced about the health benefits of a vegan diet, even more disappointed in the farse that is American government (cue Michael Jackson’s ‘They Don’t Really Care About Us’) and scared shitless about all the crap I’m putting into my mouth. (Pesticides, GMO’s, unfair treatment of workers, yadda-yadda..)

On another note, I made a pretty awesome dinner tonight. It was black beans in a coconut sauce with white rice, baked sweet potato fries, and sides of fresh onion, scallions and avocado. It was yummilicious!

Here’s a pic:

DATE: Sunday, January 17th, 2010

WEIGHT: 218.5lbs (-7.5lbs from start)

Today was another depressingly boring day. Once again, I decided to sleep until I no longer could, because at least my dreams were interesting. Yes, I know that sounds pathetic!

When I finally woke up, I had nothing to look forward to except more boredom, occasionally broken up by some exciting web surfing revelations. Hunger, too. At least food never fails to be interesting!

Again, I felt devoid of energy and absolutely lazy. I decided to go the ten minute route and make my favorite soba noodles with broccoli and peanut sauce. I threw in the soba noodles, cut up the broccoli crown and threw that in, too, but when I reached for the peanut sauce.. Something in me felt like I should be extra careful and scan the ingredients list. Sure enough, there it was – an offending ingredient: HONEY. Ugh. What is honey doing in peanut sauce? Frustrated, I debated consuming it, but then I decided not to. I wasn’t going to suffer or die without peanut sauce. I picked up the ingredients and scanned them again and then had a mini-revelation: I CAN MAKE MY OWN DAMN PEANUT SAUCE! Here’s what I did:

INGREDIENTS:

– 6 Tbsp. of natural peanut butter (chunky is best, IMHO, but whatever works – I used creamy raw organic.. Has nothing in it but peanuts. No high fructose corn syrup or GMO crap)

– 2 Tbsp. of apple cider vinegar (I used Bragg’s ‘raw with the mother’)

– 2 Tbsp. of tamari (can substitute soy sauce if desired)

– 1 Tsp. of garlic powder (can substitute fresh, but I didn’t have any)

– 1 Tsp. of onion powder (can substitute finely diced or blended fresh if you wish – may alter texture but will probably taste fresher!)

– 1 Tsp. of spicy ground red pepper (I would have subbed for Sriracha chili garlic sauce, but I was out)

– A few pinches of salt

METHOD:

– Take all ingredients and either mix until well blended

– Slowly add the liquid of your choice until desired consistency is achieved (less for a dipping sauce, more for a pasta sauce). I used water, because I was trying to be WW points-friendly, but coconut milk or even some kind of non-dairy milk would have been amazing.

– Stir or blend until throughly mixed (after tasting, you may wish to add more chili powder or even maybe some agave nectar and/or lime juice to achieve desired taste.)

MAKES ENOUGH FOR ABOUT 4 DINNER SERVINGS OF MY PREVIOUSLY POSTED ‘SOBA NOODLES WITH BROCCOLI AND PEANUT SAUCE’ RECIPE, OR A LOT OF DIPPING SAUCE (APPROX: 1-2 CUPS DEPENDING ON CONSISTENCY):

That’s it!

I took all my sauce (which came out to 16 WW pts for the entire batch) and threw in my soba noodles and broccoli and heated on the stove for a few minutes while I mixed it. I then allowed the dish to sit for about 5-10 minutes for the sauce to better adhere to the pasta. (Think old-school Kraft Mac N’ Cheese) I then garnished my pasta with some chopped green onion and more ground red pepper.

Really not bad for a spur-of-the-moment, back-o’-the-bottle-ingredients-list creation!

Here’s a pic:

DATE: Friday, January 15th, 2010

WEIGHT: 219lbs (-7lbs from start)

Well, most of the day is gone and it’s been a long one.. A long, boring day. That’s really there was to it.

Because I was so bored, I was also lazy. For me, the two tend to go hand in hand. Boredom and general lack of stimulation cause me to go into a near-catatonic state where I’m just sitting here with my hands on the keyboard/mouse, taking things in and living vicariously through the internet. (Yes, I know how pathetic that sounds)

My boredom and laziness have also translated into my meals for the day. I just ate some of my old stand-by’s: Boca Burger Vegan Original burgers with ‘the fixin’s’ and nuked sweet potatoes. I PROMISE I’ll be healthier tomorrow!

By the way, that’s at least ONE thing to get excited about.. I signed up for ‘The Vegan Pledge’, and the first meeting (1 of 5) is tomorrow morning. This is excellent for multiple reasons:

1. I will get out of the house!

2. It will force me to at least attempt to go to bed at a decent hour, and even if I don’t go to bed at a decent hour, I’ll be forced to wake up at a decent hour in order to shower, brush my teeth and make it to the meeting at 11:30am in Philadelphia!

3. I’ll be going to ‘The Vegan Pledge’, which sounds awesome in and of itself!

4. I have the possibility of meeting new people, which I really, really, really, really, really, REALLY need to do! (Really!)

5. They have free lunch!

6. I hear they have a goody bag! (Oooh!)

7. I get to learn more about veganism!

So, yeah, I’m excited. 🙂 Yipee! Hopefully tomorrow will be MUCH better than today! Fingers crossed!

DATE: Thursday, January 14th, 2010

WEIGHT: 219lbs (-7lbs from start)

Soba noodles, broccoli and peanut sauce, together, form a heavenly, taste-bud triumvirate! I ate this for lunch and dinner. (Not the only thing I ate, but, yeah). Sooo good as a light main dish or a hearty side dish. It would probably taste great with some kind of mock-meat main course!

I didn’t take a picture, because I don’t have any pretty bowls or photo-blogging skills, but this is all it was:

INGREDIENTS:

– 2 bunches Japanese soba (buckwheat) noodles (the package I got from H-Mart Korean supermarket has the noodles nicely bundled into individual servings. If you don’t have this luxury, each bundle was roughly the diameter of a quarter, across.)

– 1 broccoli crown, cut however you like (my grocery sells broccoli in regular bunches or ‘crowns’. Crowns are just bunches with the stalk cut off. You get the best part and it usually also costs less per pound, so you’re saving money.)

– 3 tablespoons or so of San-J brand peanut sauce (this is usually found in the Asian foods aisle of most regular grocery stores next to the soy sauce. They also make a great brand of tamari.)

– Whatever you want for garnish (I used 1 Tbsp. of chopped peanuts, myself.)

PREPARATION:

– Set the water to boil

– When it’s boiling, dump in the pasta

– Set the broccoli crown pieces in a steamer above the boiling water, or if you’re less fussy, just dump them in with the pasta

– Cook about 6-9 minutes depending on how ‘al dente’ you like it. I’d recommend 7 minutes, or whatever it says on the package

– Drain the pasta and the broccoli and return them to the cooking pot or big serving bowl, whatever

– Stir in the peanut sauce

– Garnish with chopped peanuts or sesame seeds and maybe even green onion, if desired

– That’s it! (Makes about 3-4 ‘main dish’ servings, or 6-12 ‘sides’ depending on what else you’re having with it. )

The whole thing takes literally 10 minutes from when you boil your water to when you have it on the table, and it’s sooo freakin’ good. It’s also a good intro to Japanese soba (buckwheat) noodles if you’ve never tried them.

Soba noodles are traditionally served cold with a dipping sauce in the summer months, but I sub them for regular pasta some of the time. Soba noodles are also amazing with pesto sauce! 🙂

“Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

DATE: Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

WEIGHT: 219lbs (-7lbs from start)

Woo-hoo! I’m officially back on track! I don’t know how I did it, but somehow I’ve gotten over my food orgy punishment!

:: does happy dance ::

Yesterday, I was really concerned about still losing for the week, so I was careful to eat super, super clean. I had water, I had salad, I had sweet potatoes, I even had a little bit of cake. I didn’t starve myself, but I also didn’t head over into glutton territory. Now, today, I feel good. Really good. 🙂

I’m also trying to do a decent job of eating today. For example, at lunch I had two Boca Burger vegan original patties on toasted Arnold 100% whole wheat thins. For condiments I had organic spicy dijon mustard and some sliced white onion. It was sooooo good. I drank water with the meal, and I feel full and ‘clean’ inside. As an added bonus, my ENTIRE lunch came out to a grand total of only 4 WW you-know-whats!! Score, me! This is what I’ve been looking for.

After my little miss-step on Monday night, I felt icky inside. The whole day yesterday, my intestines were literally sore and uncomfortable and I just generally felt miserable. Maybe it was good that that happened. Maybe I needed a reminder.